After surviving a grueling wrap up for the semester, I thankfully have the winter break to re-live the nightmare of a critique that I underwent. While at work, I’ve been thinking about many things concerning my art. It’s at the very end, at my last semester where I feel like this just isn’t what I want to do anymore. It’s at the very end that I feel my ideas completely exhausted and I’d rather write about art than make it, simply because I just cannot come to grips with this burn out that I’m experiencing.
I have four months to wrap up everything and much less to put together for an exhibition. Lucky me, I no longer feel confident in my work anymore. I need ideas and I fear the words “that’s been done” coming from the lips of others. Try having a professor stand before you and tell you that you’re lazy and your work is not that great. How’s that for a nice pick me up on a Monday morning?! No one will cry for you. No one will care about the hours you spent thinking things to make/photograph. No one will hold your hand through the creative blocks because you’re supposed to be “tough” and “different.” After all, that’s what Art School with a capital “A” is all about. Funny, the more discouraging words that are thrown my way, the more I want to have nothing to do with this major that I’m about to receive. I have to remind myself why I’m doing this…”for the love of art?” I don’t really know anymore. Why am I doing this? What do I hope to accomplish? It’s too late for those questions. I have a semester. Four months. I cannot wait to be done.
In better news, I have five more months before the wedding. Things are in the works. This is one thing that can drive me insane and make me cry tears of joy simultaneously. Planning is stressful but spending a lifetime with the love of my life is definitely worth all the stress. Now there’s one real thing in life that I can honestly say that I’m going in the right direction.
-Ari
That’s beautiful Ari!