Understanding Life

In a previous blog, I mentioned that I was going over things in life, dealing with some of the “big questions.” Someone asked me today what I meant by such “things.” Normally, I don’t trifle with specifics on these blogs simply because I like the enigma that it gives off, meaning I like the idea that some people cannot figure me out. I’m also the type of person who guards her information like choice jewels and usually refrains from “throwing her pearls to swine;” however, I feel compelled to let you in on a few “nuggets,” as I call them. (I’m a very honest person, and if you personally ask me a question, I’ll hand you the truth) It sounds morose and a bit macabre to bring up the subject that everyone finds themselves asking sometime during their lifespan. What am I doing here? Why am I here? Don’t mistaken me, I didn’t say that I did not know the answer to these questions. I know why I’m here. (why does this sound so existential?) It’s just nice to be exhorted and reminded of these things. The other issue that crossed my mind has been the one that has been brought up in conversations SEVERAL times this past month, more than ever,”Marriage.” I’ve never heard the topic of marriage being brought up so much in one sitting. I’ve had relatives pull me into odd conversations about the future and children. I’ve had friends query me on the subject until my mouth was dry. It has been a long and drawn out subject, but I’m going to go ahead and dish all this out at once. “How do I know that he’s it for me, Ari?” (This is a common one) First of all, why do they ask me this question? I’m certainly not one to be giving free advice on this subject, seeing as I’m not married. Still, I’ll give my input if you’re still willing to hear it, my friends. The way that I would know that the guy is for you is when God tells you that he’s “it.” Granted he/she has to pass the “family approval” test. Most importantly, this was brought up in this morning’s discussion, if you are willing to take him as he/she is, then that is the person for you. If you love them as they are, in spite of whatever their shortcomings are, then they are “it.” I look at my past record and wince at the poor choices that I’ve made. YIKES. Does this mean that I’ve given up on love and marriage? No. This simply means that I’m cautious as to whom I choose to let in. If you leave this issue in God’s hands and go on living your life, He’ll place the right person in your path. I figure, if it’s meant to be, it’ll happen. If it’s not meant to happen, more than likely, it won’t happen unless you force the issue, which can leave you worse off than where you started. I’m not too worried about this, I’m just trying to go about my business. Why do I get this feeling like this will come up again? I don’t mind. I’ll just do as I always do and go about my business as usual.

I find if we take things one step at a time, it’s easier to walk on this journey. If we focus too much on the future, you can make yourself sick and spinning in circles. I’m one who definitely sets and accomplishes goals, but I’ve also learned to take things as they come, to take things one step at a time. There is a season for everything. The past year was my season to sit back and observe. I wonder what this year has in store? Whatever may come, I’m sure that it will be for a purpose. All I know is that I’m thankful for what I have because I remember the time when it was all taken from me. I’ve learned not to belittle or neglect the people in my life anymore because it is a harsh feeling when they are no longer there.

With this said, I’m off on another adventure. Hopefully, this small glimpse into my world is enough to clear up any questions for right now.

Love,

Ari

How I Got Myself In Trouble

By merely reading the title of this post, some would instantly conclude that my mouth got me into trouble again. To my dismay, it wasn’t my mouth that got me in trouble this time. Sometimes, I have this bad habit of exercising what most would call “selective listening.” This practice is usually brought on with having to sit and listen during awkward situations with long-winded people. You can pinpoint this situation by observing a few gestures ranging from the “head nod,” “yawn,” “eyes glazed over,” or the blatant look of “boredom.” In my particular situation, none of these gestures were factors as the dilemma came by text message. Normally, when someone asks if “we can hangout some time,” I instantaneously take this statement at face-value. I assume that normal people do the same, but when a guy states this, I completely forget that it may mean something else. When a guy asked me if we could hangout sometime and I replied, “sure,” I did not intend to lead this fellow to believe that I felt anything but friendship for him. I barely know the guy and don’t want to send him mixed signals, especially because I just don’t like him in that manner. How did I get myself into this little situation? I can’t help but laugh. This is so silly. Still, I’ve been careful not to hurt anyone’s feelings in the delicate handling of this issue. The more important question is “how do I get myself out of this?” Distance always worked in the past. Be cordial but provide some twenty feet breathing room. Do you think this would work? I could just frankly tell the guy, but the last time I did this, one guy acted as if he never heard me. I guess he also practiced some “selective listening.” The common retort of “I simply like someone else” seems golden to me at the moment. I don’t know. I tire of this. I’m open to some friendly advice. Lord, please pull me out.

Love,

Ari

Darfur

Before my exam this morning, my professor handed out a list of topics that we would be presenting at the end of the course (6 week course). I was skimming the list with a friend, Nina, and was ecstatic over the idea of possibly presenting on “Women in Afghanistan and Iraq.” Having certain feministic views, I was enraptured at the mere opportunity to discuss my favorite subject. Believe me, I can stay on the subject for days and will dish out all sorts of charts, graphs, photographs, books, interviews, etc.  In the brief moment of my mini daydream, I heard my professor broadcast in her hoarse, squeaky, Southern voice that the group next to me had just reserved the topic of “Women in Afghanistan and Iraq,” the subject rightfully mine. I was slightly crestfallen. Who am I kidding, I was freakin devastated! Continuing down the list, I passed the topic concerning war in Sudan, the subject I’ve been following unwillingly as it perpetually blares news reports every five seconds on my radio every morning (I love current events and listen to BBC every morning). I brushed the idea aside and remarked to Nina that “Genocide in Darfur” would also be a great topic. As I was making the statement, the group that called dibs on the “Darfur” subject asked Nina and I to join their team. This wasn’t like joining the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen but it was better than nothing.  While taking my exam,  ideas were running rampant through my mind. My thoughts fell onto the lines of “wasn’t there an exhibition here in Houston that was covering Darfur? I had just read about it the other day. Where was this place? I knew it had something to do with a photojournalist’s exhibition on the subject. I’m sorry, I can’t help but tie in photography with everything (Aside from God and ministry, it’s my second love).”  After I got home, I checked my email only to find an update on the art exhibitions in Houston. Ironically, the subject of Darfur came up again, and the very info that I had been searching for was placed in my lap. Hmmm…how interesting, indeed. Fate, maybe? Now, I’m off to the Holocaust museum sometime next week with an agenda. Who knows where this adventure will take me.

Aside from the subject, fuel prices are peaking and protests are breaking out. I heard about the protest in Brussels. I would have given my left pinky finger to have seen and photographed that incident. (Of course I’m only exaggerating…Lord, please don’t take my right pinky) Still, it would have been awesome to capture on film!

Have an eventful week, dreamers.

Love,

Ari

Murals and Stories of War

I can’t seem to sleep again and am hoping, praying, that by the time I finish typing this blog, I’ll be so drowsy that I’ll just easily drift off to sleep. I started painting a mural the night before yesterday. I’m painting it in my closet, the place where I hang all my paintings and “forgotten” art. They are deemed “forgotten” because I leave them in there for no one else’s eyes but mine and will bring them out of the shadows on occasions, which is very seldom. I also hang some of my favorite photos there…the ones that inspire me. My closet is a special place. You’re analyzing me now, aren’t you. I started mixing the paint the other night and was wearing the same outfit I wore when I did my final photo project, Rach and Callan you know which one I’m talking about he he he, it’s the one that I do all my best work in. I fell asleep on the floor and woke up to what looked like a zombie! I’m not finished adding the color on the face. Liana, a co-worker, said that it looked like a “friendly zombie.” She’s right ha ha ha ha!

Getting down to the point, I’ve been reading all these books that deal with the countries that the U.S. is currently at war with. I’ve been stumbling onto some documentaries that people have been sending me that “just so happen” to pertain to the same subject of revolution, war, common misconceptions, and art. I’ve always been fascinated by war ever since I was a child. I remember hearing Terry Law talk about his stories of going to several nations that were unfriendly towards Americans and being questioned by the KGB, running from the Triads, and barely escaping Afghanistan as the U.S. commenced bombing. I remember feeling so lucky to come into contact with such an interesting character. War changes everything. It’s definitely an atrocious, eye-opening situation that a generation doesn’t forget. Everyone is affected by war, gas prices go up, ideologies are changed along with the art. The art is different, it’s darker, somberly, with a sense of reality that tugs at your heart and suspends you in time for a few moments. I’ve been warned about the danger of being a war photographer, but capturing war is necessary so that we never forget. It’s a piece of history that we must never take lightly. These thoughts have been keeping me company at night, along with life’s other issues. Enjoy your week, dreamers.

 

Love,

Ari